Shitposts Weekly (2018/08/18)

Medium articles neither rare nor well-done for the week ending 18 August 2018.

The Age of the Imbecile: A college student rips an excessively long, wet fart about economics again. We get it, you hate Western civilization. Please find something constructive to shitpost about. (Content advisory: The fat controller is the leading image for this shitpost.)

Let’s explore objects in JavaScript: A webshit regurgitates JavaScript for Dummies’ chapters on objects, and lies to the reader while they’re at it. JavaScript: The Good Parts may predate ECMAScript 6, but it has all the information you need to know on using objects effectively (if you’re not going to use the classical interface ES6 added, anyway).

How To Become Ridiculously Self-Aware In 20 Minutes: A shitPost Huffer talks about how his life changed when his sister gave him a journal. Most people discover these at eight years old. Also, the headline is a lie.

Why Third Generation Cryptocurrencies Are Game-Changers for Venezuela: A New Age conman shits out a bunch of lies about the latest scheme for abusing the fuck out of the Venezuelan Proletariat. Cryptocurrency, a neocapitalist scheme for evading scrutiny and the obligation of the people to pay for the (many) services provided by the state (including such socialist institutions as the police, firefighters, EMTs, public infrastructure, and a decent education), is in no way equipped to throw out the capitalists who destroyed Venezuela again after their savior from the last time the capitalists destroyed the country died.

How to Use Writing to Radically Improve Your Relationships: A self-help booklet wishes to remind us that effective communication is the most important skill in the world, highlighting its ability to reinforce relationships, salve emotional wounds, and establish new connections. This shitpost fails to be demonstrative of effective communication, as it is an excessively long, wet fart.

Mourning the Writer I Used to Be: A one-time award-winner discovers that writing professionally is entirely different from writing from the soul. Maybe she should quit trying to write for other people if she doesn’t like this brave new world she’s entered.

Tell Us About the Best Time You Quit Your Bad Job: A curator who is nowhere near as effective at his job as he thinks he is wants to hear from you people. If you’re not being paid to write this shit, don’t fund his shitpost empire.

How to Master Your Fear Like a Navy SEAL: A former SEAL tells a war story. We’re supposed to be able to relate to this story, even if we’ve never had such a close brush with death as he routinely did.

How to Break Up with Donald Trump: A self-help booklet tries to tell us how to think about something other than the fat controller. Unfortunately, for those of us who can’t live under a rock or bury our heads in the sand, there’s no evading the fat controller’s unfortunate effects on the world.

Over the Acid Rainbow: A writer thinks psychedelics are the solution to American politics being a shitshow. (Narrator: They aren’t.)

The Future of Celebrity Is a Japanese Hologram Named Hatsune Miku: A weeaboo falls in love with a light show given personality and a name. I’m sure there’s a milkshake duck lurking in there somewhere.

An Apology to My Husband’s Ex-Wife, in 13 Parts: An idiot who married an unfaithful asshole, presumably under the impression that the unfaithful asshole will at least remain faithful to them, apologizes to the person whose marriage she murdered.

Rare articles which are well-done.

Deconstructing the Art of ‘Winning Friends and Influencing People’ (Without Being a Jerk): A self-help booklet puts out a booklet about a self-help book’s lessons.

Escape to the Azores Islands, 1,000 Miles From Land: A journalist learns a Portuguese word and takes us on a journey of exploration, of both Portuguese culture and saudade.

Escape From the USA: A journalist documents her attempts to flee US citizenship.

The Three Bay Areas: A journalist documents San Francisco from three perspectives.

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